I’m You From The Future!

This is the post excerpt.


Greetings, Past Selves!

I’m You From The Future! is the personal blog of Michael K. Ferrante, occasional writer, former artist, budding activist, would-be filmmaker. Basically a seething well of untapped potential.


Everybody Look, What’s Going Down

Past Selves, there’s a lot of stuff going on.

Our country is spiraling down in many areas, but the ones that worry me most is the way we’re dealing, or not dealing, with potential existential threats. Civil war, World war, nuclear war.

Any or all of these may happen soon. The escalating tensions are just growing so fast.

I have just barely started exercising and have no idea how long it will take me to get into some semblance of physical shape. I have no idea how my mind would fare without meds. I have no idea if I could even survive long without diabetes meds. I am fully dependent on an industrial society with reliable medical care.

My family is an even greater concern. My Mother is elderly. My nephew relies on meds to stay functional. My sister has medical concerns. We would fare very poorly in a war torn Post-USA. And my family will refuse to leave the US unless things got REALLY bad here, by which time it would be too late.

I really don’t know what to do. We are not “preppers” or survivalists. We can’t be for many reasons. I can only hold out hope that we can pull ourselves back from the brink by opposing the corrupt powers and voting in rational leaders.

To all my Past Selves reading this… please use your voices, votes, and dollars to ensure that we actually HAVE a future.p

Post Doc

So Past Selves, I saw my neurologist. He did all the usual office tests. Reflexes, senses, muscle response, etc. I got a clean bill of health.

As a precaution I can’t drive, swim, climb ladders, or take a tub bath for 3 months. At which point I’ll be re-evaluated. Knock wood, I won’t get another seizure before then.

As such things go I’m incredibly lucky. A few minor restrictions just in case. No signs of motor, cognitive, or memory damage. I didn’t even crap my drawers while seizing, which is rare.

All in all, I dodged a big bullet.

Grey Skies Are Gonna Clear Up

So Past Selves, even with a probably Grand Mal seizure in my very recent past, I still did not fall back into depression at all. Which means only good things to me. And while I at first thought that I’d have to wait months to see my neurologist. I now have an appointment TOMORROW. I love ya, tomorrow.

I seem to be doing normally in the sensory, cognitive and memory fields. So no obvious loss of capacity, anyway. I was massively fortunate in that regard.

No doubt I’ll need further testing to tell anything more. Which I will willingly undertake. I dodged not just a bullet, but a cannonball that could have taken off my head.

A Scary and Unfortunate Event

Dear Past Selves,

Last night I had a seizure.

May Lu, a friend of the family, has a husband dying of cancer. Me and my Mom went to the hospital to comfort her as he passed his last hours. His family was there at his bedside and a priest baptized him on his deathbed. It was an extremely emotional and stressful scene.

I started feeling weird and my vision played odd tricks on me, but I attributed it to the lateness of the hour. I then started to shake violently.

I just thought it was an anxiety attack and said so out loud, although I’ve never had one that strong before. “I just gotta wait it out” I believe were my exact words. The next thing I knew I was waking up confused in an ER room. My Mom and several medical people were there, I was soaked in sweat, and I had monitor pads glued all over me. I had had a violent seizure.

I vomited several times in the next few minutes. The medics drew blood and did other tests to be sure that I was okay. My Sister, and Harold, a friend of ours, showed up and assured me that my niece and nephew were being babysat and were scared for me. After about an hour, I was cleared to leave and went home. They let me take several barf bags in the car, which proved fortunate. Exhausted, I got a few hours of sleep.

It is now 3:15 AM. I am wide awake and wanted to assure you, Past Selves, that I am doing well. I just ate some toast and my stomach is feeling fine. Over the coming days and weeks I will no doubt undergo a battery of tests to check for brain damage and risks of further seizures.

This event was far more violent and incapacitating than my seizure in 2009. I also have my niece and nephew to reassure that I am home and fairly okay right now.

I am already on an anti seizure medication. Probably my doctors will choose to up my dosage in the future. At least I hope so.

Based on my past experience, I will be forbidden to drive (just got a new-to-me car, too) and will have to be monitored and watched at all times. Showers, tubs, driving, swimming, and climbing will all be restricted for months. I cannot lock doors or be alone in the house for now. I will need to be closely watched all the time and carry a charged phone always. I’m at constant risk until cleared by the doctors.

I’ll have to call my family members in the morning (it’s not morning until it’s LIGHT and morning) and tell them. It seems like too big a thing to let them not know about it. It will no doubt affect them emotionally and they deserve to know my status. Right now I have to wait until someone is awake in the house so I can shower off the glue from the monitor pads they attached to me at the hospital.

Nothing like this experience to focus me on the important things in life and think about your future and family. It throws everything clearly into focus like the proverbial gangbusters. It’s therapeutic trial-by-fire. Not that it is the way I would have chosen to assess my priorities though.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, Past Selves, hope and/or pray that I have a long and fulfilling future to look forward to.

Past the hump.

Well Past Selves, I seem to be slowly coming out of my crushing depression.

I’m feeling more positive than I did even a week ago. Circumstances in my life are doing well, and my mood has relatively stabilized. I have a good loving family situation, a car, a phone, a roof overhead, hot showers, electric lights, and 3 meals a day. My health problems are manageable and my meds are working. I have free time and the resources to write. I’m doing better than 90% of people out there, and I know it. The political situation, while intolerable, is no longer dominating my thoughts. Even more importantly, I manage to help others daily instead of getting caught up in a self centered spiral of my own problems.

For the first time in months, I actually feel like I’m as well off as I actually am. My emotions are catching up with my personal fortunes again. I may even find enough motivation to resume working on a story or two. And to update my blog. 😀

Congratulate me, Past Selves. I’m me again!


To any of my Past Selves still listening…

I dropped the ball.

I could make excuses, say that Real Life got in the way, but the truth is I just slacked off writing. Both on this blog and in my fictional endeavour.

I make no such excuses. I take full responsibility for my (in)actions.

I will probably not return to being as “vocal” as I was before. But I am making a conscious effort to pay some attention to my online audience…. both of you. 😀

I will strive not to abandon you again, Past Selves.

What? What?

Hi again, Past Selves.

Well, I went through an experience that shook me up pretty bad. I lost most of my hearing for about ten days due to ear infections and am still recovering from it.

It started with a sore throat about 2 weeks ago. Then, as that faded, I got a terrible earache and went to the ER. They put me on an antibiotic and a couple of nasal meds, to clear it up.

The next day the pain was fading, but now I had severe trouble hearing in both ears. I went to my primary care doc, and they assigned me a stronger antibio. Still, I could barely hear. They told me it might take time to recover my hearing, as fluid had built up inside my eardrums.

As the days went by I got more disturbed and frustrated. I started to wonder if my illness had done permanent damage. A phone call to the Doc clarified that it would be WEEKS, not days, to recover fully.

Even now I’m still only partially recovered. Being nearly deaf was a profoundly isolating event. I could not follow conversations. I had to ask everyone to repeat everything several times and play Mad Libs to fill in the blanks of whatever I could not interpret. Persistent tinnitus made me unable to determine if most of what I heard was real or just the jangling of overactive nerves.

My Mother is somewhat hard of hearing and wears hearing aids. I now have a new sympathy for her and for everyone in that position. In the past, I’ve gotten frustrated or impatient at having to repeat things or speak loudly to get her attention. No more. I have taken a few steps in her world and I know now what it’s like for her on a daily basis.

I donated to a couple of hearing loss charities including one for children. My brief experience showed me how traumatic that can be, to lose something you count on every day to connect you to others and to the world around you.